I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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