I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
