I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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