Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
