she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
