When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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