Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The struggles of a small town man whore
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
