trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
