i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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