its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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