Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
