What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
