I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
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Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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