is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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