So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
