On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
