I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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