fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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