Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
