What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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