even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She bit a glass in half.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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