went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My breath smells like gin and sadness
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
