My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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