Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
