Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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