Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
