he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Mom said you looked used
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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