so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
