at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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