I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
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Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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