Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
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Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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