shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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