omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
