don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
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he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
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new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today