I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.