honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.