your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
