I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
