Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
