I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
