I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
