you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
