dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
