Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
