alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
