I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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