what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
