My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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