I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
