when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
