girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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