Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
