Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
