last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
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Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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