So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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