I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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