Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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