I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
