The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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