1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
