we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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