BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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