Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so that wasnt chicken after all
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
