Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
