A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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