I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
