Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
