i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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