It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
