went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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