he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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