I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
