We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
