easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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