My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize