Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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