I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I cockslap morals
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
